Dave Barry's Blog

THE LUCKIEST MAN IN JAPAN

(Thanks to ShadowKatmandu)

IS OUR PARENTS LEARNING?

(Thanks to Kevin Conwell)

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE

(Thanks to wiredog and Lisa Gibson)

THE WORLD HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF

PAW PAW, Mich. – Paw Paw's police chief said a heart found at a car wash in the southwestern Michigan village belonged to a deer.

(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)

THE KEY TO A WOMAN'S HAPPINESS

Dress size.

This study clearly was not conducted among women shopping for bathing suits.

(Thanks to mark Schlesigner)

ADVISORY TO SKIERS

Wear backup underwear.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr. Probably other people also sent this in, and if you did, thank you, but at the moment I can't log in to the blog email. Judi is trying to straighten this out; as soon as she does, she will of course be fired.)

(Update: Judi informs me that "about 80,000 people" sent this in. Thanks to all 80,000 of you.)

EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE ONE

The Wunder Boner

(Thanks to many people)

WHERE IS THE FEDERAL BAILOUT?

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

CSI: EVANSVILLE

A gang of serial snake thieves is on the loose.

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Injectable Bone

(Thanks to judi, who is too shy to post it herself)

SO STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR CRABGRASS

Homeowner finds three lions in yard

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

GET THE NOBEL PRIZE READY

According to the country's only rumpologist, Sam Amos: 'A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life.

(Thanks to Danny)

COUPLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Cat R, who says, "♫♫ If you like pina coladas... ♫♫")

Update: Apparently this is old. We will have judi fired, if she still works here.

HOCKEY UPDATE

"We decided, as a team, it was good to have a little break for the groin," he said.

(Thanks to DavCat)

FASCISM CREEPS INTO EAST SUSSEX

Now they're banning street names.

(Thanks to DavCat, Danny and Jeff Meyerson)

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

(Thanks to DavCat)

ADVISORY

Be advised that I am back from a grueling week at sea in the British Virgin islands aboard a sailing vessel captained by my college roommate, Captain Rob Stavis. I was one of the crew members. Our job was to carry out Captain Rob's orders. Like he would say, "Release the main halyard," and we crew members would scurry around looking for the main halyard, but we were not sure what a "halyard" is, so eventually Rob would have to run over and release it himself before we crashed into something and sank. It is not the most efficient system, but it is the way things are traditionally done at sea. I did get pretty good at making pina coladas, however. 

SCROOGE OF THE WEEK

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

IT'S WORKIN' AT THE CARRRRRRRRR WASH, YEAH

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)